I think you either believe it in your bones – or you don’t. A belief that we are here on this planet to make something, build something, breathe life into something- or assist someone else in building. No value judgment- the world needs people in both categories, but the genetic disposition is different. I have had the pleasure of working for some terrific organizations in my time from the earlyish stage- iVillage.com, to the mid-size rocket ship rider, Gateway- the PC company now owned by Acer, to the global behemoth, Deutsche Bank. They were all radically different organizations from business model, to culture, to stage of development, to size. What was always present in my own mind while working at these very different places were two idea streams:
1) I have always tended to look at organizations from the top- the view from the big chair. I have never been good at doing things for parochial reasons to serve my group, or division- behavior that particularly in banking is considered normal- even required. I always looked at the whole shop- as if I were the CEO. It is not arrogance- it’s a world view.
2) I wanted responsibility. I wanted to be able to make the calls because I had a path in my own head mapped out of where I wanted things to go.
In a start-up- everything is your responsibility. There are no excuses, there is nowhere to hide, there is only the bank account and whether you are making it grow or shrink or whether there is a prospect of making it grow. There is only your team and whether they are strong, and whether they are motivated, and whether they are willing to go with you on the journey. There is only the breathlessness of knowing that every decision you take has consequences and that the demons that govern the laws of unintended consequences are always lurking in the dark corners.
Entrepreneurship is not a rational act. It is risky and stressful and intense and exhausting. Your brain never turns off. Every moment- sometimes even when your are not awake- there is at least a peripheral murmur in the background of calculation and consideration for next steps. Work is never done- there is always more to research, more to think about, more to know, another way to look at things. There is no “down” time just less aggressively “on” time.
All that said, it is a thrilling path to take. It is filled with daily moments of humiliation and exhilaration all wrapped in a gentle fug of optimism. It is the nature of the start-up pathogen- it is the nature of the entrepreneur: A pragmatic optimism that the future will be better and that your ideas and sweat can help make it so. Time for another espresso.